Drunks litter the steps as I reach the apartment block. Scooting past them as they lift their weary eyes at me I dash up the stairs, too afraid to use the lift in case I find something nasty inside. I reach Apt. 40A - The door is open. I put my ear to the door and listen.
"Come in, female" The voice that spoke to me was..hollow... nothing there. Of course he knew I was there.. shaking my head I nudge the door with my foot. The apartment was vast.. shutters were up.. no need to hide from the nights cover..
"Uhmm... Hello? I am Sara..we have an appointment? " Assuming he remembered since the door was open.... I continue into the room and see the male sat on the floor, leaning against his couch.. he lights up a smoke and beckons me to sit on the chair across from him
He looks tired.. no..exhausted.. withdrawn...pale is the understatement.
I sit and take out my books, he seems to be waiting so I start:
Micah: I come from the Old Country. That’s how we refer to it now. It’s primarily made up of what are referred to as the Slavic countries now. *Brushes back his thick, black hair, his black silk shirt hanging loosely – too loosely – from his shoulders* I haven’t been eating much, *he says, self-consciously lowering his arm and trying to hide just how thin he is. The sleeve had slipped to expose his scarred forearm and he hastily brushed it back down to cover his skin* My mate left me and I’ve been a bit…uhm…depressed, to say the least.
Sara- *Not sure if sorry for you will cut it I carry on and not say a word*
Quote: from material- "What we see in ourselves, we despise in others. "
Do you believe this statement?
Micah- Yes. We don’t want to see our weaknesses because then we’d hate ourselves. So instead, we project that anger onto others who we perceive to have the same weaknesses we do. I mean, right now I’m struggling with demons of weakness, self-loathing, and self-abuse. If someone who held those values walked in this room right now, I’d beat the shit out of them. *Looking down shamefully* No, I’m not quite right in the head right now. Losing Jackson – he is – was my mate – has kinda fucked me up.
Quote: from Material- "Perhaps he sought what he had lost, for he was only half alive now" This is regarding the loss of Jackson. Do you think you will ever feel whole again?
Micah- I don’t know. I really don’t know. Jackson and I had been together a while. I thought he was it for me. But…well…he didn’t feel the same way. I had a wife before, though. I loved her, not like I loved Jackson, but I loved her. I’d like to think that there is another out there for me if Jackson wasn’t the right one, but…I don’t know…I’m not thinking too clearly about shit right now.
Quote: from material- "But no…Jackson had already moved on to another, hadn’t he? Micah had felt it. Knew it to be true. Jackson…in another’s arms…bodies entwined. He would never be Micah’s again"
Would you want Jackson after this?
Micah- Yes. *He said it without hesitation, breaking down in tears.* I love him. I’m miserable without him. I want him back more than I want to live. *Micah isn’t in the most rational frames of mind…he’s losing his touch on reality in more ways than one, manic depression having fully set in at this point.*
Quote: from material- "Only one thing could squelch the nauseating, aching hunger when it rose up. Pain. Suffering. Agony - This is a very "worrying human "way of dealing with one’s own pain. Why is it that you state yours that way also?
Micah- *Composing himself, he swipes the back of his hand over his cheeks, wiping away the tears* I’m sorry, what was the question? Oh…oh, never mind. I’ve got ya. Uhm, why do I state my way of dealing with my pain that way? *Shame fills his face, along with a hint of lust as he thinks about the three things he needs most right now. A dazed and drowsy smile quirks his face as his eyes fade out of focus, then he blinks and catches himself, glancing back up* Pain, suffering, and agony. They’re my friends right now. They’re all I’ve got to take away the ache of Jackson’s loss. They make me feel good. Sick, huh? *Looks away again, guilt and shameful acceptance coating his expression.
Micah- *Composing himself, he swipes the back of his hand over his cheeks, wiping away the tears* I’m sorry, what was the question? Oh…oh, never mind. I’ve got ya. Uhm, why do I state my way of dealing with my pain that way? *Shame fills his face, along with a hint of lust as he thinks about the three things he needs most right now. A dazed and drowsy smile quirks his face as his eyes fade out of focus, then he blinks and catches himself, glancing back up* Pain, suffering, and agony. They’re my friends right now. They’re all I’ve got to take away the ache of Jackson’s loss. They make me feel good. Sick, huh? *Looks away again, guilt and shameful acceptance coating his expression.
Sara- *My own pain for this male creeps within me.. yet Knowing there is absolutely nothing I can do for him, these are his demons, his battles..I continue*
Quote: from material- "Not like he cared if the sun rose and crisped him like a burned side of pork. Right now death would be a gift." - Then This seems a gift, Now?
Micah- Yes, I am secretly pursuing death as my means to release myself from this horrible pain that I’m feeling.
Micah- I get them, but haven’t gotten them for a while. So, the one I had recently totally freaked me up the ass. Came out of nowhere and gutted me.
Quote: "Jackson had left him. His mate. His love. The one Micah’s vampire genetics had chosen as the one for all eternity. Yeah, eternity had come much too soon, and now Micah was left alone. Jackson had never bonded to Micah the way Micah had to him" - Why had you not completed the bonding process?
Micah- *shrugs* Who knows? As far as I was concerned, we were together. Why my biology chose him and he didn’t choose me? I don’t know the answer.
OOC questions and answer's
Quote: "I was influenced by the music of Korn as I wrote this piece. I needed a deep, dark place and Korn provided that with "Hollow Life," "Right Now,"
Micah OOC – Author response: Korn has been exceptional in taking me, the author, to the dark depths to capture just how far gone Micah is. He is full of self-destruction and self-hatred right now. He blames himself for Jackson leaving. Hollow Life and Right Now were PERFECT songs for where he is mentally. Pink Floyd’s The Wall is also inspirational, especially Comfortably Numb, Hey You, and Run Like Hell. But most of the time, I turn Pandora on and listen to one of my custom radio stations. Enigma, Jens Gad, JES, Oceanlab, Sarah Connor and Giulietta are among some of my favorites. I don’t usually listen to mainstream music when I write because they don’t normally evoke the same emotional responses as off-the-main music does.
Sara- Quote: I am adding a bunch of new characters to this SL with the next chapter. Micah has friends who are beginning to worry about him, and he is fast-approaching rock bottom. I think Micah will surprise himself and find he has a reason to live, after all.
Do you think you will move on from this and reform from it?
Micah- *shrugs* Only time will tell. Either it will kill me or make me better.
Micah- I’ve always had a hard life. I’ve lost so much. As a result, I never expected anything good to happen to me and kept my emotions tucked away deep, just so I wouldn’t experience this kind of hurt again. But damn it if Jackson didn’t find a way in. He sated me – he was the first thing in centuries to do so. I actually smiled again when I was with him. In the end, I’m a pretty dark individual. Always have been, always will be.
To learn more about Micah,, find him here..http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100001475789052&sk=info
To read his Story Rise of the Fallen. http://www.facebook.com/pages/Rise-of-the-Fallen/230105143693718
